dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
