Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
