Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
