cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
