Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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