When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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