the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
