Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
