yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
