I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
