Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize