Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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