I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
