Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
