Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
