Whod you bang
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
