For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
