I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
