I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
