Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
