We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
