Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
