my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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