Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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