last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
