I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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