I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
