I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize