I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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