I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pooping to opera.
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