I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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