Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
