That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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