I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
