i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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