dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
