I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
