so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
