I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
