wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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