So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
