so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
