I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
