Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im six kinds of drunk right now
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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