Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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