i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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