You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize