My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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