I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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