In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize