every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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