Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
