Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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