If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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