And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
