I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
