I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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