i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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