Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
they're like a gay fantastic four
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
