The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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