so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
