It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
