I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
