i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
