Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
time to smoke my breakfast
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
