I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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