you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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